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Question by puzzled1: My wife has a problem with money management, on the verge of divorce? We got married on April 5th 2008 and have been struggling financially since July. First it was us together spending money using credit cards. Those quickly got maxed out. I had provided my wife with a Chevron credit card which she maxed out within a two week time frame and nothing to show for it. I then made a decision to borrow money from banks to get ahead on some of the bills and pay off the credit cards. Which I should have chosen to pay off Bank loans instead. Because the credit cards where maxed out again in shorter time and over the limit worse than before. My wife began to borrow from online payday companies and in most cases using my social security number. Which results in the worse scenarios possible. My credit score was exceptional now we are not able to pay any of the loans credit cards or payday loans. My credit score is dropping faster then Equifax can compute. We were able to address short term bills, but once all the bills were somewhat caught up. We began getting bank overdrafts, we are now on a weekly basis overdrawing the account due to her writing check for things we so called need. For every over draft no matter how small we are charged 25$ and mostly from checks that she wrote knowing that we dont have the money in the bank. Which can add at an alarming rate when the bounced checks are reprocessed again after they failed the first time. So any one check can be a 50$ charge not including the fees by the receipent of the check. We have argued countless times about this to the point of her making physical contact with me and me threating to end our relationship. Yet 2 weeks later it reoccurs again to the point that I dont say anything because I dont want to deal with the arguing. She has admitted to me that she has a problem with spending money. We are to the point to where we are struggling just to pay for bare neccessities. Utilities, Gas transport. Bank Loan, Car Loan, Insurance, Child care, Rent, We dont make enough to keep these bills up. I am to the point to where it would be better for us to end the relationship move back to our parents and get our lives back in order. She is completely torn and does not want this to happen. I would like for us to be happy and live comfortably. But i dont know what the next step is when she has this problem thats going to continue to keep us from progressing in this financial struggle. What should i do force the relationship to end or enforce some type of restrictions? As for a seperate checking account or living on cash alone great options. We both work she gets a check. My job requires direct deposit so i have to have an account. We have a joint account currently and had to close one account previously due to the payday loan companies taking out twice as much than is owed. She has also opened up another account, in her own name at another bank. She has been going to the payday loan websites again and almost certain she is using my social security number to get the payday loans deposited. That arent gonna be paid back. She promises she has not done this yet but is there anyway i can prevent my information from being used without causing her to be charged with identity theft? These are our bills a month 350 child support for my other children 340 child care for her child 320 gas transport to our jobs 240 or more for food and house items 250 rent 262 carloan 167 bank loan 50 heating gas bill 67 Cable TV/internet 153 Bank loan for paid billz 125 cellphone for us to keep in contact for emergencies 137 insurance 125 light bills I make 670$ every two weeks she makes 580 every two weeks I had suggested she pay the 340 child care for her child, 320 gas transport to our jobs, 240 or more for food and house items - But i am stuck with the rest and its just not possible on our income. Best answer for My wife has a problem with money management, on the verge of divorce?:
Answer by catmaninmo II
dump her.... you two have baggage on top of the fact that neither of you have any money management skills! You should be broke on your own and she should move on looking for a sugar daddy or whatever. You will never be happy and you will always be broke staying with this woman. I'd also consider pressing criminal charges against the woman for using your ss# illegally.
Answer by Jennifer K
Your monthly bills add up to $ 2586 and your pay adds up to $ 2500 per month. First thing is cut up all her credit cards, if she can't be responsible with them then she can't use them. If she is not willing to admit that she has a problem and work with you then there is no point, you guys will just keep fighting about money until you get divorced years from now in even worse shape. Next, get rid of the cell phones (get prepaid, after all it's for emergencies right?) Do you really need cable TV or would you rather pay off your bank loans?
Answer by Nena S
Sorry to hear about this. A good friend of mine- from school, a man- married a woman like this...and he ended up divorcing her because she never "got it"! She always wanted to live beyond her means and beyond her reality; and he got stuck paying up for her debts. To give you an example: Their daughter had to have an emergency operation: appendicitis. So he gave his wife the money (cash) so she would pay the doctor's bill. Guess what? He later got a phone call from the surgeon asking for his money...! And when he confronted her, she got angry at him and said she had spent it on other stuff (which he later found out was clothes !!!) He tried to make her see what she was doing was both stupid and wrong; but she refused to change her lifestyle or spending habits. He now says he regrets having tried for so long. Her loss. Your wife may be one of the growing numbers of people who have a disorder called "oniomania"....They are typically called "shopaholics". Good luck. You should get her into therapy and also give her an ultimatum.
Answer by Michael
If you still want to remain married .Take control of all financial items.contact a credit counseling firm.then follow their advise.As for the wife give her a small allowance. go to the store with her and pay for the necessities.If you do not act quickly you will wind up in bankruptcy loosing all valuables.and tangibles.If it is at this point now ,then find a lawyer and work with him.
Answer by cariann
Man you are in a world of hurt aren't you? She needs counseling in the worst way! You have to control this spending or she will get you guys in serious trouble they will start shutting things off and deny you a bank account. Your vehicle insurance will go up because of your credit score. Get her some help. She might have some underlying issues if she is shopping beyond your means that need to be addressed. Was her family poor as a kid? Is she an impulse shopper because of depression? We all do it but not so we put ourselves in the hole. Little rewards should be enough. She has alot of stress keeping all her little deals hidden from you. Help her if you want to keep this relationship alive. Good luck.
Answer by craig b
Ya know - I wondered where my ex wife ended up? This is EXACTLY where we ended up. Your wife has an addiction. A spending addiction! She needs the affirmation of being able to spend money to "prove" to herself that she is capable and affluent. This usually comes from a childhood where she didn't have two nickels to rub together or she was controlled, manipulated and/or abused. She is now able to CONTROL her life and prove that she "do whatever she wants". When I met my wife, my house was already paid for. We did the vacation things, she bought clothes and dishes and shoes and rugs and furniture and and and it NEVER STOPPED! She drove us to the edge of bankruptcy and with home equity loans - we went into foreclosure several times. Each time I had to tap my retirement accounts (HUGE WASTE!) to keep from losing everything. In the end, I cut up everything - closed all accounts - went to a cash lifestyle and stopped ALL spending! We had rental property. She started stealing the rent checks. I sold the property to pay off the debt. For it all - she said that I didn't love her! This is where you are - I'm sure. As long as you do not conform to her demand for spending -- you are showing her that you don't love her. She is an addict. Do not be lured into her addiction. Seek Celebrate Recovery. I am now divorced from her. I have lost all my property. I still have my house with a HUGE mortgage on it. I sold my two cars and keep a work truck. I do not date (too expensive) I am where I was 20 years ago. And I heard that she is living in the basement of a friend with little or nothing. How can money be spent so frivolously? I still love her. I would hope that she could find healing and come back to me. At the time, I had no tools to understand what was going on. This is very, very serious stuff! Your wife is a meth addict, an alcoholic and a gambler all rolled into one. What do you think that you can do about it? I'm here if you need to talk.
Answer by sarah
How come you only earn $ 670 every two weeks? And your rent is only $ 250 each month? Should your child support payments be that much if you aren't earning alot? Cancel the cable if you can. $ 137 a month on insurance is alot. $ 320 on gas is also alot can you take public transport? Sell the car's pay off the loan's, use the remaining cash to buy cheaper car's. Cut it back to $ 200 a month for food. She must have your details written down somewhere rip it up talk to her about all the payments you will have to make rip up the check book Cut up the credit cards. Get a loan with low paying interest for the total amount that you owe. Pay off all the credit cards etc. That way you only have 1 bill. Don't allow her to be in charge of your fiances
